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Part of what has made the LitRPG series Dungeon Crawler Carl so incredibly popular is the perfect blend of humor with the apocalyptic horrors that are happening around our audacious heroes. Throughout the eight books that are currently out, author Matt Dinniman guides us through the adventures of Carl and his ex-girlfriend’s now-talking cat, Princess Donut, as they survive being thrown into a deadly dungeon crawl of intergalactic reality TV.
The following article includes some spoilers for the Dungeon Crawler Carl book series.
While the entire premise of Earth’s destruction and the ongoing massacres that are taking place in the book series could be seen as rather dark, the books are anything but, thanks to the humor that’s interspersed. Perhaps the most consistently comedic examples come from the seemingly sentient System AI of the dungeon.
This is particularly true when it comes to the AI awarding Carl and his companions with achievements for something that has happened, although I may feel that way from my being an achievement hunter in games. Regardless, these are just a few of the funniest achievements that Crawler Carl has earned.
New Achievement! You’ve Discovered And Read An Official Dungeon Sign
Book 1 “Dungeon Crawler Carl” Chapter 2
One of the earliest achievements that Carl earns after making his way into the dungeon on Floor 1 is the “You’ve discovered and read an official dungeon sign” achievement. As someone who plays video games regularly and can see the humor in Carl attempting to navigate a tutorial for what he’s experiencing, the fact that this is an achievement at all was humorous. Then, seeing the System AI’s response to it made it even better.
New Achievement! You’ve Discovered And Read An Official Dungeon Sign
“Wow. You can read. Whoopie.
REWARD: All official dungeon signage will now be highlighted and easier to spot. Nearby guilds will appear on your minimap.”
Here is a man who has just had the most traumatic experience imaginable happen and is attempting to learn how this new dungeon crawling RPG world around him works, and yet he is already being ridiculed by an overly sarcastic AI. The reward for it was admittedly useful, and seeing the AI’s snark so early on was probably a good heads-up for what to expect.
New Achievement! You Monster!
Book 1 “Dungeon Crawler Carl” Chapter 19
Another achievement from Book 1, and perhaps one of the most memorable experiences from that book, is the “You Monster!” achievement earned by Carl and Donut.
New Achievement! You Monster!
“You have killed an infant! An infant!
Okay, okay. Unless you’re a complete psychopath, we know you probably didn’t wake up this morning and tell yourself, ‘Today is the day I’m going to slaughter a child.’ Well, let us put your mind at ease. All children mobs who die within this dungeon don’t actually perish. They’re transferred to a holding area where they’re safe and treated nicely and gently until they can be reunited with their loving parents at the end of the season.
Feel better? Good.
REWARD: These past twenty seconds, when your conscience started to ease? That was your reward. It was also a lie. That baby is dead, and it’s dead because of you. You’re totally going to hell.”
This achievement comes right after Carl launched a cart full of explosives and Hobgoblin Pus into the boss room, which Carl expected would house the Goblin War Chieftain. Unfortunately for him, as soon as there was no turning back from the plan, Princess Donut added the hauntingly nonchalant line, “There sure were a lot of babies in there too.” At least this experience did grant Carl and Donut their Desperado Pass Tattoos, which came in useful on later floors.
New Achievement! Total, Utter Failure.
Book 4 “The Gate of the Feral Gods” Chapter 7
On the fifth floor, Carl was attempting to figure out what was happening in his quadrant and how to take the floating castle so they could move into a new area. As part of the storyline for Bubble 543, Carl received a quest to free Wynne from bondage.
New Achievement! Total, Utter Failure.
“You failed a quest less than five minutes after you received it. Now that’s talent.
REWARD: Ha.”
Unfortunately, moments after the quest was given to him, another pair of crawlers appeared who were tricked into thinking they needed to kill the Dirigible Gnome, Wynne. Obviously, with Wynne immediately killed, Carl had no way to save him.
Once again, the System AI’s sarcastic humor shines through with this “achievement” that really didn’t need to be acknowledged, other than to rub it in Carl’s face. Of course, this is the same book in which the System AI feels the need to punish Carl for not feeding into its foot fetish, so it may have been feeling a bit touchy.
New Achievement! Sushi Smoothie
Book 7 “This Inevitable Ruin” Chapter 1
Early in Book 7, Carl finds that because he went down the stairs from Floor 8 to Floor 9 without releasing the corrupted souls in his Scavenger’s Daughter Upgrade Patch, he received a Debuff called Soul Poisoning. This Debuff causes jolts of pain, and Carl is warned that if he doesn’t “smush something soon” he will suffer from additional effects.
New Achievement! Sushi Smoothie
“Yeah, I just made this achievement up on the fly. But, holy shit! You annihilated that thing! It was really gross too! You could probably start a business making confetti out of corpses with that skill! Next time, use your foot.
REWARD: You’ve received a sushi-making kit!”
So, in order to cure himself of the Soul Poisoning, Carl needed to use his Soul Reaper Skill quickly. This was done by absolutely destroying a Concierge Shark, after which the System AI naturally had to make a comment and give Carl a joke reward of a sushi-making kit.
New Achievement! Bisected
Book 5 “The Butcher’s Masquerade” Chapter 42
Carl earns this potentially horrific achievement after he is teleported into a door in the fifth book in the Dungeon Crawler Carl series. Thankfully, because he was teleported not of his own volition, the achievement is redacted while the AI is in the process of awarding it to him, and he still gets the loot box reward.
New Achievement! Bisected
“You teleported into a solid object. Congratulations. You’ve lost your…
Oh wait! You were teleported due to an administrative action. That means your privileged ass was saved. Again. No missing arm or leg. No dungeon-style circumcision. Nothing. Boy, you must really bring in the cheddar for them to keep coddling you like this.
Teleport mishaps are funny as shit. You ever see The Fly? Anyway, you don’t have to worry about it.
This time.
REWARD: You’ve received a Silver Lucky Bastard Box!
This achievement and corresponding monologue from the System AI just shows off its snarky, sarcastic side. Obviously, being the AI for an intergalactic death dungeon show, it’s not really going to be empathetic or loving. Although it does certainly have a fondness for Carl, or at least his feet.
New Achievement! Podophilia!
Book 1 “Dungeon Crawler Carl” Chapter 5
Speaking of the AI’s love for Carl’s tootsies, we come to the achievement that started it all. Well, at least it started a lot of Carl’s disgust with the AI and eventual issues with trying to keep the foot-loving System AI happy.
New Achievement! Podophilia!
“You’ve used your bare feet to crush and kill an opponent! Hey! That’s my fetish. Seriously. Keep doing it, and you’ll be rewarded. This will help.
REWARD: You’ve received a Gold Shoe Box!”
Early on the first floor of the dungeon, Carl finds himself with little choice but to stomp on a goblin with his bare feet to kill it. Unfortunately for the trouserless and shoeless Carl, the AI really liked that a lot more than it should have. This solidified the fact that the AI will never allow Carl to have pants or any footwear, although he does get some nice upgrades for his bare feet.
New Achievement! You’re The Reason Why Daddy Drinks!
Book 4 “The Gate Of The Feral Gods” Chapter 13
Continuing with the foot-fetish theme, in Book 4, Carl inadvertently makes the System AI angry after he manages to avoid having to step on any gerbils that had been tucked inside the Live Ammo Balls shot by gnomish snipers. Though Carl didn’t even know that was the case at the time, the AI made sure that he figured it out.
New Achievement! You’re The Reason Why Daddy Drinks!
“You have, for an unspecified reason, raised the ire of the System AI. You have corrected the issue, and everything is back to normal. The acceleration action has been suspended. This time.
Good Boy.
REWARD: You’ve received a Gold Makeup Sex is the Best Sex Box”
After Carl discovers the reason for the AI’s temper tantrum, Carl loses his own temper and adamantly refuses to give in. At least, that is until the System AI goes on to overwhelm the party with a seemingly endless swarm of Level 11 Frenzied Gerbils. Finally, he decides it’s useless to fight it, and smushes around 50 of them before the AI is appeased.
New Achievement! That’s Not How You Use Arrows, Dumbass.
Book 5 “The Butcher’s Masquerade” Chapter 36
As Carl is making his way along the sixth floor, he collects several arrows labeled as “Arrow of Enthusiastic Gonorrhea,” which are described: “This is a regular arrow, but the tip is dipped in a poison that will inflict you with Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea. Trust me on this. You don’t want Enthusiastic Double Gonorrhea. It doesn’t kill you, but you’ll want it to. It sets your genitals aflame. Literally. And then it heals that area of your body over and over.”
New Achievement! That’s Not How You Use Arrows, Dumbass.
“You took an arrow, and you physically stabbed someone with it. That’s something a kid who eats glue would do. You know I’m pretty sure you have a bow in your inventory.
REWARD: You’ve received a Gold Ranged Weapon Box”
Carl uses one of these unique arrows to poison Vrah, but rather than shooting the arrow from a bow, he held it like a dagger and stabbed her with it instead. Although plenty effective, the AI apparently thought this was a ridiculous way to use an arrow.
New Achievement! Mentally Unstable Clothing Hoarder!
Book 3 “The Dungeon Anarchist’s Cookbook” Chapter 25
Although Carl actually has a very good and noble reason for collecting over 700 conductor’s hats to help rescue other crawlers who had become trapped on the Iron Tangle, once again the System AI didn’t seem to think it made as much sense as Carl did.
New Achievement! Mentally Unstable Clothing Hoarder!
“You have over 500 of the exact same, stackable clothing item in your inventory.
What the hell is wrong with you? You planning on opening a thrift store? You might want to see a shrink. One that your group doesn’t immediately kill.
REWARD: We don’t reward this sort of behavior. It’s weird.
To be fair, Carl is constantly looting everything he comes across, whether it’s useful or not, and shoving everything not nailed down into his inventory. So, the idea of him somehow collecting over 500 of the exact same clothing item in his inventory wouldn’t be too surprising even if he didn’t have a good reason for it.
New Achievement! PETA Enthusiast!
Book 1 “Dungeon Crawler Carl” Chapter 47
Although I’m not sure that I agree with the idea that Steve Irwin would commend Carl for taking a hostile enemy and using it to fight other enemies, the achievement “PETA Enthusiast!” is still one of my favorites.
New Achievement! PETA Enthusiast!
“You somehow managed to remove the hostility of an aggravated, non-sapient enemy. That enemy then fought against other enemies to your benefit. The ghost of Steve Irwin smiles down upon you.
REWARD: I SAID THE GHOST OF STEVE IRWIN SMILES DOWN UPON YOU.”
Carl earned this achievement on Floor 2 after he fed some near-death Danger Dingos to make them friendly towards him. Although the Danger Dingos didn’t help as much as they tried to, at least they didn’t join in the fight against Carl and Donut, and we were rewarded with a great mention of The Crocodile Hunter in Dungeon Crawler Carl.
- Publisher(s)
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Penguin Random House
- Publication Date
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September 21, 2020
- Number of Pages
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444
- ISBN#
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979-8688591507
- Author(s)
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Matt Dinniman
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Carrie Lambertsen
Almontather Rassoul
