Managers are puzzled by Gen Zers as giving feedback becomes a lost art in the era of the ‘coddled mind’

Every now and then, tough boss comments go viral, stirring a backlash among Gen Zers against grueling work hours and pressure.

Today, many managers may be too afraid of the consequences of giving the direct feedback needed to develop and grow their people.

“I do not feel I can give constructive, productive feedback to someone, in particular, in a team room with others present, as they will tell me that their psychological safety is being violated,” a participant at a leadership workshop I participated in recently said.

It is, of course, true that Gen Zers are expecting something different from their workplace. This change is positive. They want to work with an organization that has purpose, where the leaders model positive values. Whether they realize it or not, they also want to grow and develop. They are very clear they want to make a meaningful contribution to their organization’s goals and mission but to do this, they must learn and grow.

We may have lost sight of the old saying, “Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.” Today, managers must coach and develop employees who may be growing up in a world of the “coddled mind,” that Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt describe in their book, The Coddling of the American Mind. The authors note an emerging culture of “safetyism” in which young people are unprepared for any form of criticism, including uncomfortable conversations. 

It is no doubt trickier to grow and develop people in this environment, but for a generous leader, it is still possible.

First, it starts with managers. If you come from a place of care, with a belief that one of your core responsibilities as a leader is to give freely of yourself to help people to develop, grow, and thrive at their full potential, then what makes most sense is to start by being yourself. 

Leaders must be honest and authentic. If you really do wish for your team to grow and develop, they will understand your intent. And you are unlikely to step over the line.

The gift of clear, honest, and direct feedback

The gift of recognition is taking a real interest in someone’s work, paying attention to detail, setting your own ego aside, and celebrating another’s efforts and achievements. A good manager must see what their reports have achieved and genuinely want them to build on what they do best.

However, many of us bristle at the idea of celebrating “effort” just for the sake of it. It sounds like a participation trophy. But the two are not mutually exclusive. When you applaud someone’s effort sincerely, you are validating their hard work, and that makes people feel seen. It builds rapport and mutual respect.

Many CEOs speak of the importance of tapping into the strengths of their people to enable their organization to achieve its goals. As Joaquin Duato, the chairman and CEO of J&J, put it in my interview with him for my book The Generous Leader, “The sooner you step past yourself, listen to others, and connect more fully with your teams, the sooner you will be able to release and leverage all the human traits critical to get positive results”. 

No one wants to be beaten up or only criticized for all they’ve done wrong or should have done better. You must commit to the time and effort to get to know a person, their strengths, opportunity areas, and how they can leverage those strengths into ideas for improvement. While it is obviously critical to lay out the areas where improvements are needed, identifying strengths and coaching people on how to leverage them results in far more effective feedback. And when all this is combined with true care and interest, magic happens.

Today, many of us worry about giving clear feedback that might cause pain or lead to people disliking us. But this is not about you. When the feedback you convey is clear, honest, and direct, the potential pain will be at best a sting, not a bite. No one likes vague feedback. Too often, people giving feedback mush up the positives with the improvement areas, which risks leaving those receiving the feedback feeling OK across the board instead of feeling good about their strengths and clear on the areas needing development.

Finally, the best feedback is generally given right then and there—provided that all the necessary information is readily available and those present are levelheaded.

When delivered in real time, feedback can often be far more explicit about the situation (and less about the emotion). The recipient can relate to what is being said because the experience is still very fresh.

Recognizing an individual is cited over and over as one of the top behaviors people look for in a leader. A leader who sees them, listens, and knows when they are excelling and when they are falling short and why.

In the current environment, a generous leader can still grow and develop this generation of future leaders, not by using harsh words, but through care, empathy, and respect. If those are in your heart, and you have done the work to know the person, you will then have the right and opportunity to share your wisdom with others and help them grow. 

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