I don’t believe in astrology. I never have, despite growing up in the golden era of glossy horoscope pages tucked beside celebrity gossip in magazines, and long before apps started charging for full-moon rituals. My skepticism isn’t especially hostile; it’s just that I don’t believe the positions of planets at my birth have much to tell me about my life or personality.
But I do believe in storytelling, and I’m fascinated by how AI systems are learning to mimic the voices of human attempts at wisdom, regardless of how wise they might be. So with the year beginning, I was curious as to how ChatGPT, which has been trained on the internet’s collective cosmic musings, would write a horoscope for me – a personalized, year-ahead breakdown based on my actual birth date.
This was more a test of tone, context, and meaning than truth. I wanted to know how well it would perform at mimicking using astrological lore for a horoscope – and it did surprisingly well, even translating the result into the image you can see above.
Pluto problems
ChatGPT’s first swing at the horoscope leaned hard into astrology’s greatest hits: Saturn returns, Jupiter luck cycles, Pluto transformations. It flagged that Pluto had recently moved into Aquarius, my sun sign, for the first time since the 18th century, and suggested that I might be “mid-transformation” whether I knew it or not.
“You’re in the early, defining stretch of Pluto’s once-in-a-lifetime transit through Aquarius, which means this is a year where choices matter more than usual,” it told me. “Small decisions have long tails. The upside is that you have more agency than you realize, provided you work with the astrology instead of drifting through it.”
It’s easy to dismiss lines like this as poetic fluff, but it’s easy to read into it whatever you want. Who wouldn’t want to believe their choices matter or that they have more agency than they knew? It’s somewhat the opposite message of what I usually associate with astrology’s fateful predictions, in fact. The idea that “small decisions have long tails” is just a basic fact of life.
It was suggesting that I might notice a transformation if I paid attention to where my time and power actually go. That might be the trick of a well-written horoscope, putting a name to something your brain was already noticing or hoping for.
Saturn’s budget and the Jupiter effect
The next theme the AI explored was Saturn’s influence on money, structure, and boundaries. This is standard astrological shorthand, as Saturn is supposed to be the tough-love planet, the one that demands accountability and discipline. But ChatGPT didn’t dwell on cosmic metaphors. Instead, it framed this as a season to notice where things aren’t sustainable, particularly in routines, budgets, or responsibilities.
“Early 2026 still carries Saturn-in-Pisces energy, which highlights your finances, pricing, and self-worth,” it explained. “This can feel sobering. You may notice where money leaks out through convenience, guilt, or vague commitments. At the same time, Jupiter in Cancer emphasizes daily routines, workload balance, and health. Expect a strong nudge toward sustainability rather than hustle.”
For someone who’s not in the habit of checking planetary alignments, this felt more like a thoughtful productivity review than a mystic download. I don’t need Saturn to remind me that burnout is bad. But it was amusing to me that some hardheaded financial advice was given this cosmic framing.
The more unexpected element of the horoscope was ChatGPT’s description of Jupiter moving into Leo. This supposedly is associated with confidence, warmth, and partnership. Instead of predicting grand romantic declarations or career breakthroughs, ChatGPT focused on how I communicate in close relationships.
“Other people become mirrors, amplifiers, and sometimes gentle challengers,” it told me. “This is fertile ground for both romance and meaningful professional alliances, especially ones that let you stay distinctly yourself… Say what you want, what you don’t, and what you’re willing to negotiate. If a relationship thrives on mutual admiration and respect, it grows quickly this year.”
Again, it wasn’t quite transcendent predictions of change, but rather practical advice that could have come from any firmly Earth-based self-help book.
Astrological algorithms
For fun, I asked ChatGPT to produce a Renaissance-style painting depicting my horoscope. It came up with the above image, full of allegorical meaning, if not much in the way of predictive promises. The AI didn’t magically know what I was going through. But its synthesis of astrological archetypes and practical guidance created a kind of narrative space where my own insights could surface.
I still don’t believe that planets dictate outcomes. I don’t think Neptune’s shift into Aries will change my creative rhythms, nor do I plan to organize my life around lunar eclipses. But what ChatGPT gave me was something closer to reflective writing than astrology. It used a familiar framework of star signs, retrogrades, and transits to speak in a voice that encouraged me to slow down, check in, and pay attention to the shape my year was already taking.
Astrology isn’t about fate; it’s about metaphor. In that sense, it’s not so different from the way we already use AI language models as mirrors instead of oracles. ChatGPT doesn’t know me, but it knows enough about people to craft something that resonates.
It’s solid advice to look for ways to grow and avoid patterns you don’t want to repeat, whether or not Pluto is hovering meaningfully over you.
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ESchwartzwrites@gmail.com (Eric Hal Schwartz)
